Three’s A Crowd

By: Jeremy | April 17th, 2009

It was announced yesterday the New York Red Bulls signed ~~Catherine Zeta-Jones~~ Alfredo Pacheco from El Salvador’s CD FAS. Apparently this is a very big signing for the scoreless club. Of course I had some witty input after seeing this picture of Pacheco on the Red Bulls page.

Have they always allowed women to play for the Red Bulls or are they making an exception this year?
-Jeremy

Oh, how clever. But the New York faithful didn’t think so, despite this comment from their very own Dave Martinez:

Jer – VERY girly pic. Completely agree.
-Dave

Still, I must have violated the unwritten rule; You can make fun of your own, but don’t make fun of ours. I can understand that. You can beat up your little brother all day long but there’s hell to pay if an outsider does it. So let’s visit some of the “hell” thrust upon me.

Jeremy, why are you calling him a woman when I am sure he has more balls than you.
-NCerritos

That’s a little irrelevant, don’t you think? I mean, NCerritos is sure Pacheco has a minimum of 3 balls? I don’t know how he gained this knowledge. And I don’t know how having an extra testicle would benefit Pacheco on the pitch. I think it would be a hindrance if anything.

Don’t judge, if anything I bet you look more like a girl than him.
-NCerritos

First of all, the guy has extra balls. How could I compete with that? Quick question, are they in a separate sack? That would be really weird and kudos to the guy if it is. He would need two cups. Or maybe he would have one big cup with a little divider in the middle, like a dog bowl that separates the food from the water. Man, and no Speedos for sure.

Yeh Jeremy will eat his words with every tackle that Pacheco is going to win and with every assist that he will give. And of course with every goal that he scores.
-NCerritos

Uh, not really. I’m kind of pulling for the guy now. I don’t know what it’s like in El Salvador, but here we have the Americans With Disablities Act. I like a good underdog story, as long as it isn’t at the Dynamo’s expense.

I’m sure Jeremy likes Pacheco, but He’s not gay…sorry man!
-nahume

Right, I’m not gay. But there’s no need to apologize to Pacheco. I’m sure he didn’t think I liked him in a gay way. He probably isn’t gay either so it all works out.