Growing Health Concerns For Upcoming Match
By: Jeremy | July 10th, 2009
The World Health Organization and National Institute of Neurological Disorders have partnered together to urge everyone to exercise extreme caution when viewing the upcoming Seattle Sounders/Houston Dynamo match. The extreme clash of colors may trigger seizures.
Photosensitive epilepsy is a form of epilepsy in which seizures are triggered by visual stimuli that form patterns in time or space, such as flashing lights, bold and clashing colors, or regular moving patterns. Television has traditionally been the most common source of seizures. It is especially hazardous to view television in a dark room or at close range. In some cases, specific television programs featuring certain types of visual stimuli have provoked seizures in a small minority of television viewers, including some viewers with no prior history of seizures of any kind. Stimuli perceived with both eyes are usually much more likely to cause seizures than stimuli seen with one eye only. We recommend covering one eye to avoid seizures while viewing the game. Unfortunately, sensitivity is also increased by alcohol consumption.
Major League Soccer has issued an apology for not foreseeing the impending implications of combining “Wildcatter” Orange and “Rave” Green within the same visual proximity.
FOREVER ORANGE
*the preceding article is total bullshit
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Comments | Add your comment
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Lol. Great article.
Go Sounders!
Posted from
United States
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I heard that NASA is taking no chances. They will shutter Hubble this weekend so that the orange-green nova emanating from Puget Sound does not damage the telescope’s sensitive equipment.
Posted from
United States -
Good luck against those Flounders. If they happen to stay standing all at the same time, they might give you a game. But there’s usually one or two on the ground screaming, grabbing their thigh, so you should be alright.
Posted from
United States
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