Empty Promises

By: Jeremy | October 19th, 2009

Dear John You know, soccer, there are codes of conduct in this world. One of them is that if you want to end a relationship with someone you supposedly care about, you deal with them honestly. You don’t promise excitement and entertainment only to bore the hell out of them. But of course, that’s what you did with me, and I’m not real happy about it.

What would have been so hard about coming to me and sitting down and just talking? Would it have made you uncomfortable? Well, think of how what you did made me feel! I’m glad of one thing, though: I found out what kind of sport and league you really are, before I made a really terrible mistake and bought season tickets or something.

I know it’s hard to admit, but it seems like we’re just not as close as we used to be. We don’t seem to want to do the same things anymore. I think sporting events should be entertaining. You obviously feel otherwise. I don’t know what to do about it, except suggest that maybe we should stop seeing each other.

It seems harsh to end it so abruptly, but you aren’t giving me what I need. You aren’t giving me what you promised. You said Sunday would be “the first act in a two-week passion play,” and I believed you. Now I feel so empty, so used.

“The guys are all buzzing about it,” said Dynamo Head Coach Dominic Kinnear. “It is one of those games that can’t get here fast enough. We know the importance of it, [and] there is going to be a really good crowd. The opponent is a good opponent with some great players. It has the makings of one of those games that has everything you want as a player.”

With all of this hype and “buzz,” shouldn’t there also be a disclaimer posted that reads “as with any soccer match, there is a 90% chance that this game will be incredibly boring.”

Nearly 30,000 people paid to see grown men kick a ball around a field for 90+ minutes. That’s it, nothing else happened. The ball went back and forth and sometimes really high, which was actually the most exciting part. The “game” ended in a 0-0 draw. Holy crap, soccer, you should be ashamed of yourself. Is this the best you can do?

Looking back, I’m trying to think of a game this year that made me say “Wow, that was a really good game.” I don’t think it has happened. And that’s really pathetic considering we’re tied for first place. Imagine how boring it would be if we sucked (like Dallas). The last game I can say I really enjoyed was a match between Manchester United and my beloved Liverpool. Maybe that’s my clue. If I want truly entertaining and inspired soccer, watch a league that matters. Watch a league that is worthy of the hype.

FOREVER (yawn) ORANGE