Charity, Becks, Minnesota, and Other Stuff
By: Jeremy |
1 Comment
It’s a slow news week for the Dynamo so I’m piecing together some stuff.
The inaugural Charities Cup match versus Mexico’s Monterrey is this weekend. Is anyone going? I wonder how many starters will see action for this one. Probably not many considering Holden, Rico, and Ching will be in Honduras with the national team. So look for it to be another matchup featuring the Orange Abyss.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the upcoming match against the LA Galaxy marks the first time the Dynamo will face David Beckham. Previous scheduling conflicts and suspensions have prevented it from happening in the past, which makes the Dynamo the only MLS team he hasn’t faced. I’m glad he’s also found time away from voicing the GEICO gecko and will finally grace us with his presence.
In other MLS news, check out San Jose’s Ryan Johnson. Maybe if his last name was a little more common this type of thing wouldn’t happen. I blame his parents.
I am issuing a challenge to you! Go to mlsstarting11.com and try to beat my score on the Soccer Star Trials and H Bounce games. I currently sit in 19th place with 71,700 points on Soccer Star Trials. I’m 24th on H Bounce with 595 points. My scores are posted under the name of “Jey”. Post your scores in the comment section so I know who beats me.
This must be one of the best weeks in Minnesota sports history. They hosted the ratings booming Monday Night Football game that featured some player that I won’t name. I have nothing against him, it’s that I’m so tired of hearing his name that I refuse to type it. But The Onion came up with a good article regarding the hype. Tuesday was the stellar American League Central Tie-Breaker between the Twins and Tigers. Then the Wild got in on the action by rallying from a 3-0 third period deficit and managing a 4-3 overtime victory against the Anaheim Ducks. Did you hear that, MLS? Overtime… look into it.
Speaking of hockey… The Houston Aeros of the American Hockey League, in conjunction with the AHL’s San Antonio Rampage and Texas Stars, announced they will compete this season in an inaugural intrastate rivalry to be called the “Lone Star Faceoff”. Whichever team on top when the three-way concludes (ahem) will choose a charity to receive a donation from the two losers (Dallas and San Antonio). The official trophy for the “Lone Star Faceoff” will be revealed later in the season.
One last thing, from the Department of Ridiculous Product Ideas, the Chia Obama?
FOREVER ORANGE
Dallas sucks.
Category: Team News
I Still Don’t Get It
By: Jeremy | 5 Comments
After the Texans finished polishing off the Raiders I decided to check in on the Orange. What was the first thing I saw? It was Cam Weaver making an aggressive tackle and receiving a red card. Well, I was watching a Spanish channel so he actually received a roja card. But don’t worry, I’m told it’s the same thing as a red card.
Here are the issues I have with that particular play. First, it almost tempted me to change the channel back to football, which would have been a Cowboys game at that particular moment. So, not wanting to watch Dallas (which may induce spontaneous defecation) I decided to stick with the Dynamo. Second, I do not think that play warranted a red card. It was a yellow at best. I can say that because of the obvious embellishment by Kansas City’s Santiago Hirsig. If he genuinely felt it called for a red card then the play should speak for itself. It wouldn’t be necessary to feign epilepsy as he did. Now, I can’t say he flopped. Weaver definitely tripped him up, that’s why I say yellow, but definitely not a roja.
And what’s up with the defensive posture of the Dynamo website? Below the video of the play, the caption reads “Cam Weaver receives a red card after a hard tackle from behind on Kansas City’s Santiago Hirsig.” From behind? I don’t know what kind of video they were watching, but “from behind” was not in the video I saw. Then, the lone commenter on the site states, “I completely lost respect for Weaver. You go hard, you challenge, you fight, but you don’t try to break the legs (look at replay, he missed his right leg by 2 inches) of an opponent…” Well, I looked at the replay and Weaver gets all ball first, that is until his momentum carries him through to contact Hirsig’s right leg. His foot doesn’t change directions after touching the ball, meaning the ball was his target. He didn’t touch the ball and then move his foot in a leg-breaking fashion towards the Kansas City player. Also, the site’s game review describes it as a “two-footed and late tackle.” That’s a stretch. How can it be late when you make contact with the ball first? And how can it be two-footed when you use only one foot? Unless “two-footed” is in reference to the distance between Weaver and Hirsig when the challenge was made. That makes more sense. (I apologize for the poor picture quality, I’m working with what’s available.)
OK, fine, the ref made a bad call… again. Coach Dom claims he made the right call, but I think it was more in effort to move forward to the next game, put the horse shit behind us, and not get fined for having an opinion against the refs and their horse shit call. Even though that particular horse shit will linger into the next game while Cam serves a suspension for “doing his job,” as Brian Mullan said.
But, despite being short-handed for most of the match, the Dynamo still managed to claim a point and lock up a spot in the playoffs.
Playoffs? Are you kidding me? Playoffs?!? (Sorry, I always hear that in my head after someone says ”playoffs”.)
And congrats to Luis Angel Landin on his first of many Dynamo goals!
FOREVER ORANGE
Dallas sucks.
Category: Team NewsThe Dynamo Blues
By: Jeremy | 6 Comments
The Dynamo had a game last night? I was flipping between Kimbo Slice on The Ultimate Fighter and Meatloaf on Ghost Hunters. I completely forgot about the Dynamo. I guess that’s what happens when you prefer watching things that are entertaining. Oh well.
The Dynamo lost to Pachuca 1-0 in CONCACRAP action. You can read about it here. Yawn.
Hey, how about them Texans? That defense is fantastic, isn’t it?
Hockey season starts tonight with two games on Versus. It’s Washington at Boston at 7:00 PM ET, and San Jose at Colorado at 10:00 PM ET. I’m much more interested in the first game. It’s Alex the Great against my fantasy team’s goalie, Tim Thomas. Is there any better sport in HD than hockey? Maybe golf, NASCAR isn’t bad either, but my vote goes to hockey.
In AHL action, the Aeros open their season tomorrow in Manitoba. No TV (of course) but you can listen live at 1070 on your AM dial or stream it online.
FOREVER ORANGE
Dallas sucks.
Category: Team NewsSeven Ways To Make Americans Care About MLS
By: Jeremy | 8 Comments
I recently read an article about ways to make the NHL more popular in America. Since MLS has its own shortcomings in popularizing a sport in America, it served as inspiration for this masterpiece. Here, I bestow upon you Seven Ways To Make Americans Care About MLS:
7. Free Beer – Do I really need to explain this? Beer is enjoyable, especially during those humid Houston nights. I’m sure it wouldn’t have any negative repercussions either. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
6. Hotter Girlfriends – I haven’t seen many drool inducing counterparts to the players we support. Why is that? Is it a money thing? Have you seen what the European sides pull in?
5. No Ties – I hate going to a game and seeing a tie. I feel like I should get a refund when that happens. If the score is tied before I enter the gate, the score shouldn’t be tied when I leave the gate. I pay to see someone win (Houston) and someone lose (Dallas). So please introduce some kind of overtime period minus the goalkeepers or something like that.
4. No Offsides – The NHL actually has this one right. Offsides should be a designated point on the field, not wherever the defenders decide to play it. We need a “blue line” in soccer, and get rid of the midfield line. Does it serve any purpose anyway? Either change the offsides rule or eliminate it altogether. More scoring = More fans (at least a dozen or so).
3. Fighting – The NHL is debating whether to eliminate fighting from the sport, which is a perfect opportunity for MLS to embrace it. You know most people watch hockey hoping to see a fight, much like people wanting to see crashes in NASCAR. Well, I’m pretty MLS won’t implement automobiles into soccer, so fighting it is. Of course, fighting wouldn’t go unpunished in MLS. Maybe a yellow card or 5 minutes in the penalty box would be good.
2. Free Beer – Do I really need to explain this? Beer is enjoyable, especially during those humid Houston nights. I’m sure it wouldn’t have any negative repercussions either. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
1. Tackling – I’m not talking about the slide tackles, I’m talking legal Rugby tackles. It would eliminate flopping. Let’s see how ineffective Blanco becomes when diving is pointless. Sure, he may still hit the ground when an opponent closes in, but he won’t be looking for a foul afterwards. He might be looking for his teeth as thousands of fans applaud the play.
One last thing, on a serious Dynamo note; The team has re-signed Brian Ching to a long-term deal that will keep him in Houston through at least the 2013 season. Now if they could only sign Pat Onstad to the same deal.
FOREVER ORANGE
Dallas sucks.
Category: Team NewsDear Paul Delgadillo,
By: Jeremy | 2 Comments
Mr. Delgadillo… Paul… May I call you Paul? I saw you at the game last night, Paul. You were amazing. I have never seen a referee possess so much grace and charm. You command respect from the soccer world, and the soccer world obliges.
Are you aware of your greatness? When you put on your uniform and look in the mirror, do you gaze upon yourself with the same admiration as I do? Can you feel the thousands of adoring eyes upon you while they watch through their television sets? Do you like Chinese food?
I noticed your whistle. Your whistle blowing technique is remarkable. The cyclonic reverberations pierced the Houston night like Cupid’s arrow through my heart. Do you floss?
Will you referee all of the Houston games? I won’t lie, we’ve had many referees in the past and have had some regrettable experiences. But last night was like the first time. Well, it was like the first time minus the awkward stumbling and embarrassment. It’s a new beginning now. Those other referees mean nothing. I know the world would be a better place if your soccer piety was spread through its farthest regions, but one serving of Delgadillo makes one greedy for more. We would like to keep you as our own. Is that selfish?
The game last night, you know, the one where the Dynamo won 5-1 over Arabe Unido… it was inspirational. The Dynamo players were magnificent. Not as magnificent as the officiating, of course, but magnificent. On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being the best, the ref would get a 10 and the Dynamo would get a 9.
This may be a little off topic, but why do people preface their 1-10 rating scale by saying “with 10 being the best?” Have you ever seen a scale where 10 is the worst? I thought you may know since you’re so perfect. What’s it like to be so perfect?
Paul, I must go. I ate some stuffed jalapenos from Jack in the Box so now I must lead the Browns to the Super Bowl, if you know what I mean. But I’ll be thinking of you.
Goodbye, Paul.
FOREVER ORANGE
Dallas sucks.
Category: Team NewsWho’ll Stop The Rain?
By: Jeremy | 3 Comments
After what appeared to be a whole mess of home cookin’ the last time these two teams faced eachother, the weather seems to favor the road team this time around. Here’s a brief lesson in climatology… Arabe Unido hails from Colon, a city in Panama that averages 129 inches of rain each year. Houston averages 54 inches per year. If you look at the radar, odds are the field will be a tad on the wet side, and I’d say Arabe Unido probably has more experience handling slick balls. (rimshot)
The Dynamo will be slightly shorthanded at the forward position tonight. But if you ask me, they still have their two best forwards available. Brian Ching and Cam Weaver should start and newly acquired Abe Thompson will provide relief off the bench. Luis Angel Landin isn’t eligible for CONCACAF competition and Dominic Oduro is suspended due to a red card versus Pachuca.
If you remember, Arabe Unido and the Dynamo didn’t exactly play nicely when they met in Panama last month. The refs dished out 11 yellow cards and 5 red cards so look for more of the same tonight. Hopefully the refs won’t allow Arabe Unido to persuade bully them into making calls this time.
It’s a late start, 9:00. But to make up for it the Dynamo are offering $5 tickets. That’s not a bad deal. Or you can watch on FSC.
One last thing – Offside Houston would like to congratulate Brad Davis on his Player of the Week honor.
FOREVER ORANGE
Category: Team NewsThe Dynamo Should Dive More
By: Jeremy | 2 Comments
Yes, you read that correctly; Dive, flop, or simulation (as FIFA calls it). It seems the Dynamo have faced a few divers lately, and what are the results of those games? The divers won. They weren’t overmatched from a skills perspective. No team can say they possess more soccer skills than the Dynamo. But flopping is the one skill the Dynamo lack. They need more timely and consistent flops.
Timely and consistent… Let me equate that to a quote from Jim Brown. If you don’t know (but you really should), Jim Brown is one of the best football running backs in history.
“I always made it a point to get up slow after a play. That way when I did get hurt – and I got cuts, bruises, bells ringing in my head, loss of memory; even played one whole season with a sprained right wrist – when I got hurt, I just got up slow like always, and no one knew it.”
That’s the same mentality the Dynamo should employ when instituting the flop. If they consistently flop, not just on plays that a flop would appear so blatant, but on plays in less pressing situations, the ref would become more conditioned or persuaded to see the other team as playing overly physical. Overly physical = yellow/red cards.
OK, Dynamo, you can’t just jump into this new game plan without preparation. I’ve put together some materials for you to research. First, I suggest watching some classic flop movies. Of course this doesn’t help in the physical sense of the flop, but a box office flop and a soccer flop share a common noun so I feel obligated to work it in somehow. The Adventures of Pluto Nash was a great disappointment, as well as Judge Dredd. Try watching those to set the mood. Maybe light some candles, too. They smell nice.
Next, go to the library and break a mental sweat. How about Ice Skating: Steps to Success? Whenever you become flopping pros you might want to mix in a triple lutz or two. The refs may appreciate your artistry. You could also check out Landing On My Feet: A Diary of Dreams by Kerri Strug. You may learn a great deal about tumbling, but ignore the “landing on my feet” part. One key component of flopping is NOT ending in a vertical position.
You can also reference the works of Vlade Divac. He is a renowned expert in the world of flopping. His days in the NBA over, but I’m sure you can find him on ESPN Classic. If you don’t have cable, go to the pawn shop and see if they have any vintage NBA videos on VHS.
If you prefer to call it diving, why do you prefer that? Does it sound more sophisticated than flopping? Regardless, if you prefer diving, check out Greg Louganis at www.louganis.com.
That’s it, ladies and gentlemen. Dynamo, you have RSL next and I expect it to be a flopping success.
FOREVER ORANGE
Category: Team NewsBreaking News
By: Jeremy | 11 Comments
Cannonball!!
Kei Kamara has been traded to Kansas City for Abe Thompson. Details to follow.
FOREVER ORANGE
UPDATED, FROM CHRON.COM:
In a move that seemed to come from out of the blue, the Dynamo traded forward Kei Kamara to the Kansas City Wizards for forward Abe Thompson and allocation money.
Coach Dominic Kinnear confirmed the trade after practice Tuesday, just hours before the team was to travel to Pachuca, Mexico, ahead of Wednesday’s CONCACAF Champions League group match.
Tuesday was the last day for MLS teams to make player moves as rosters freeze.
Kamara, 25, was not allowed to practice ahead of the transaction, both the player and coach confirmed.The 6-3 forward was acquired from San Jose in July 2008 via trade and quickly found a regular spot in the starting lineup. Kamara has five goals and one assist in 22 MLS appearances (20 starts) this season.
Thompson, 27, and a six-year veteran of MLS, comes to the Dynamo after seeing limited minutes in Kansas City during the past two seasons. He is scoreless in eight appearances and only one start this season.
Kinnear said the trade was driven by financial reasons. As a Generation Adidas player, Kamara’s guaranteed compensation of about $65,000 doesn’t count against the team’s salary cap.
But his contract is up at the end of the year, and word from the front office is that player and team weren’t close to agreeing on a new deal. The Dynamo decided to make a move and get something for Kamara while they could.There’s another reason. Kamara and Kinnear have been at odds for the past month, and the coach may have felt the move was necessary to protect the integrity of the team chemistry.
The recent acquisition of Mexican striker Luis Angel Landin and the return from injury of Cam Weaver opened the door to get it done.Kinnear declined to discuss the nature of his working relationship with Kamara.
Kamara was kept from workouts ahead of Sunday’s loss at Columbus, which he also missed. Kinnear said at the time the forward was nursing a quadriceps strain. But Kamara denied being hurt Monday.
Category: Team NewsFlopping is to MLS as Steroids are to MLB
By: Jeremy | 1 Comment
After a 2-1 victory over the Houston Dynamo, I must admit that Columbus is a very good team. They are very skilled at what they do. Unfortunately, flopping is one thing they do very well.
I have been debating with myself whether soccer is even worth watching, especially now that football season has started. The debate started when I had a brief stay in the hospital and found myself with ample time to watch “the beautiful game”. I have no idea why soccer has been stamped with that moniker. The flopping is ridiculous and embarrassing. I feel embarrassed for the refs that continue to reward teams that flop, I feel embarrassed for the fans that embrace the flop as part of game, and I’m embarrassed for MLS who is challenged with marketing soccer in the United States. How can they successfully market a sport that is constantly marred by players that consistently flop? This, along with the lack of scoring, is one of America’s biggest knocks on soccer, yet it seems that flopping is inevitably rewarded.
I am not saying the Dynamo don’t have players that flop. We have a couple of players that occasionally test their flopping skills, but it’s not to the extent that it becomes the main focus of the game. And the refs, those poor incompetent refs… Why do they continue to reward flopping? Do they look at the grace and athleticism of the fall then base their decision on the theatrics rather than the rules the game? Is it kin to judging gymnastics or figure skating?
I will continue to watch, but I will probably never understand. I do understand that flopping will continue as long as it is rewarded by the refs. And until this nonsense stops, the sport will never be considered beautiful in America. If the MLS wants to successfully market the sport, my advice is to steer clear of Columbus as I’m sure flopping will continue to be a major staple in their game plan.
It is clearly evident in the post game comments that Columbus knows they flop but they are smart enough to get away with it. It is absolutely pathetic that this is the best team in the league. What kind of message does this send other teams? Best flops win? What happened to defense, scoring, passing? You know, the fundamentals of “the beautiful game”.
If this continues, the fans will be the ultimate losers. Who will want to watch that garbage? It will be the death of the league. Flopping is to MLS as steroids are to MLB. The difference is that MLB has history to help sustain it through the troubling times. Does MLS have enough history and tradition (or fans) to withstand the crap that continues to plague the sport?
Columbus Post Game
Houston Post Game
FOREVER ORANGE
Category: Team NewsMJ Confuses Me
By: Jeremy | 1 Comment
If you’ve watched ESPN today, you have seen much hoopla regarding Michael Jordan’s induction into the basketball Hall of Fame. Hoopla – get it? Basketball hoops? OK, if you’ve seen his interview you may remember that he attributes his success to playing each game like it’s his last. That’s the part that doesn’t make sense. Jordan average 30.1 points per game over his career. Yet on his last game he scored only 15 points. So if he played each game as if it’s his last game, wouldn’t his career average end up at 15? It would make more sense for him to say that he played each game like it was December 25, 1986. He had 30 points that day against the Knicks.
I know this has nothing to do with the Dynamo or MLS or soccer.
Dallas sucks.
Category: Team News
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