Now, let’s get to my St. Louis Soccer United post. There is this statement on their website:

St. Louis and soccer are synonymous. No city in North America has as long a tradition, or as deep a heritage as St. Louis, Missouri, the soccer capital of America.

This is on a St. Louis website, it’s not something I made up. Let’s break it down a little so I can better communicate my thoughts when I read that particular statement.

St. Louis and soccer are synonymous.

Well, I’m just going to take their word for it on that one. I’m not sure Louis IX would agree.

No city in North America has as long a tradition, or as deep a heritage as St. Louis, Missouri.

At the time I wrote the original post, I wasn’t very educated about St. Louis’s impressive soccer history. If you have read my posts before, you would know that I have described this blog as a chronicle of a new fan’s understanding and appreciation of the sport. I have gained some knowledge since the last post, but a deeper heritage than any city on the entire continent? Even any city in Mexico? That sounds a little boisterous, but that’s still not where my post was directed.

St. Louis, Missouri, the soccer capital of America.

Ah, that’s the part that gets me. I fully understand there is great history in St. Louis. The kids play and the World Cup players and on and on, but this is my question…

HOW DID ST. LOUIS RECEIVE THE DESIGNATION AS THE SOCCER CAPITAL OF AMERICA?

By definition, a capital is the city or town that is the official seat of government in a country, state, etc. From what I know, and most of you may argue that it isn’t much, The United States Soccer Federation is the official governing body of the sport of soccer in the United States. Its headquarters are in Chicago, Illinois.

Again, was there an election that gave St. Louis that distinction? Who votes? Is it a national vote? A computer formulated vote? From my point of view, it appears that St. Louis Soccer United is trying to pass off some false information to help popularize their presence.

Am I saying this in all seriousness? Hmm, how many of my posts have I written and expected them to be taken seriously?

And don’t come at me with the Houston bashing stuff. I never said Houston should be the capital of soccer. That’s ridiculous. There are probably 50 cities more deserving.

I’m sure most people that are offended it’s because of my “high and mighty know-it-all douchebag attitude comment.” You know, the one I quickly recanted in the next sentence? Anyway, ok St. Louis, you aren’t high and mighty know-it-all douchebags. Whatever is the opposite of that description, that’s what you are. Better?

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks

St. Louis and soccer are synonymous. No city in North America has as long a tradition, or as deep a heritage as St. Louis, Missouri, the soccer capital of America.

Interesting. I can’t say I have ever thought of St. Louis whenever someone mentions soccer. Actually, the only thing that comes to mind when pairing St. Louis and soccer is the spanking hot Hope Solo.

Here’s a message to St. Louis. Don’t get all presumptuous on us. It’s not becoming. When was the last time you had a professional soccer team, 1977? So don’t thrust yourselves upon us with your high and mighty know-it-all douchebag attitude. OK, that might be a little extreme. Just watch it, ok? You’re on thin ice.

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.

-Brian Ching underwent surgery Tuesday to address a meniscus tear in his left knee. He suffered the injury in Game 1 of the series against Seattle Sounders FC but is expected to make a full recovery during the offseason.

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.

As midnight passed, LA took advantage of two costly fouls by Ricardo Clark. These penalties weren’t the kind that we could accuse embellishment or anything of the like. They were straight up fouls with no other way to call them, which actually makes the loss easier to swallow. Congratulations to the Galaxy on a hard-fought victory.

Now, with David Beckham on the verge of becoming an MLS champion, do you think this truly benefits the league? It will definitely help from a TV ratings perspective. So on a national level, yes, David Beckham’s presence will benefit the league. But what about the global level? If Becks comes here and wins a championship, what does that say about MLS? Will the European clubs continue to look at it as an inferior league after the ease in which Beckham was able to win? Probably so. Or would Beckham not finding championship success ultimately cause foreign lands to reevaluate their thinking? If their best (arguably) couldn’t win here, how could our league be inferior to theirs? Wow, Jeremy, that’s an interesting point to ponder.

Galaxy vs. Real Salt Lake – It’s such an unlikely final. Two Western Conference teams this year and two Eastern Conference teams last year. It makes me wonder if the playoff format is the best way to go about it. This year, the Eastern Conference only managed to qualify 3 teams, so it would seem that their conference isn’t as strong as the Western Conference. With that in mind, RSL may have been “rewarded” by being removed from the dominant division. Not that I can think of another way to do it, because if you are the best team then you should beat whoever is put in front of you. My point is that the final matchup may not always be the two best teams remaining. Does anyone really think RSL is one of the top two teams in the league? I don’t think so. Did they have an easier route to the final? Maybe.

Here’s to hoping for a fantastic finish. I would like to see David’s RSL beat Goliath’s Galaxy, but my prediction is a 2-0 result going to LA.

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.

Here are a few game related articles. One states how Los Angeles is just 90 minutes away from the finals. I’m still waiting on their article of the same title that substitutes Houston for LA, but I somehow doubt that will happen. There’s also a nice Stu Holden piece from Yahoo.

Houston Chronicle
Yahoo! Sports
LA Galaxy Offside
Big Apple Soccer

These are the latest Tweets from a few of the Dynamo players. There’s nothing too enlightening here, but it’s a brief glimpse into their day before the big game.

Mike Chabala - Couldn’t sleep last night knowing I can’t help my boys tonight. Pure torture this is but good thing I work with the best in the business…

Danny Cruz - Headed to breakfast with the boys…what a great day for such a big game!

Stuart Holden - Breakfast at the same spot, love it! Beautiful day in LA.

Good luck tonight, Dynamo. Make Houston proud.

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.

I’m guessing the time slot was already reserved prior to Houston’s victory over Seattle. Having such a late game would somewhat make sense if it were two west coast teams, which I’m assuming that’s what the MLS expected. What other logical reason could there be?

One other thing, this is funny.

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.

Newcomer of the Year: Cam Weaver
Goal of the Year: Brad Davis, September 19 vs. Real Salt Lake
Dynamo Academy Player of the Year: Sebastien Ibeagha
Dynamo Academy Players’ Player of the Year: Reagan Haisler
Game of the Year: May 30, Dynamo 3, Toronto FC 0
Defender of the Year: Geoff Cameron
Fan of the Year: Jason “Sarge” Milner
Save of the Year: Pat Onstad, April 19 vs. Colorado
Team Spirit Award: Luisa Baquero (Dynamo Girls)
USSF Humanitarian of the Year: Stuart Holden
Ironman of the Year: Pat Onstad (most MLS minutes played)
Young Player of the Year: Andrew Hainault (U-23)
Budweiser Golden Boot: Brian Ching (most MLS goals)
Defensive Play of the Year: Geoff Cameron, October 18 vs. Los Angeles
Forever Orange Award: Yuzo Itami (outstanding outside contributor)
Fans’ Choice Award: Stuart Holden (fan-voted MVP)
Most Valuable Player: Brad Davis

How many of these do agree with? I can’t argue with any of them, although I must admit that I was enjoying Robertson Stadium’s luxurious restroom facilities during the moment of Pat Onstad’s save of the year. Priceless.

Now, I need some help from the soccer world. I am looking for the Twitter accounts of any pro soccer players out there. I have several Dynamo players; Holden, Ching, Chabala, Boswell, Cruz, Ustruck (I think), plus Sunderland’s Darren Bent and Aston Villa’s James Collins. The only reason I have those two is because I read an article this morning about how Bent has his account name stitched onto his cleats, which it also mentions Collins. The article also has a link to other Twitterers (new word) but they are probably all of the European variety, plus the link doesn’t work for me at work. Anyway, please let me know of others.

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.

In my opinion, the two best teams in MLS already faced eachother during these playoffs. Forget the finals, the best matchup is/was Houston vs. Seattle.

What more can you say about Seattle and their fans? They are the pinnacle example of what every team strives for. Sure, there might be some exceptions, like a few over-zealous Sounders fans that chose to sing through the moment of silence for the Fort Hood tragedy. But beyond that, we should congratulate Seattle for a great inaugural season. And I mean that in a sincere, non-smug kind of way. I’m sure they have many championships ahead of them.

My new favorite player, aside from any player that wears orange, is Freddie Ljungberg. How can you not be impressed by this guy? He is everywhere. He took a dive at one point in the match, and you know how I feel about dives, but he quickly got up with a half-smile grin. It was the look of a savvy veteran trying to work all aspects of the game. And why wouldn’t he? These teams had played for nearly 3 hours without scoring. But what I liked about it was that he knew right away that the ref wasn’t buying it so he got up and got back into play. He didn’t continue to milk it in a punk Montero way. Of course, had he got away with it, this paragraph would read much differently.

Just curious, if there are any Seattle residents reading this… Did you hear anything on your radio stations this morning regarding the match? I ask because I didn’t hear one mention of the Dynamo during my commute to work. Not even a brief “and the Dynamo won,” there was nothing mentioned at all, at least not within the hour I was listening. It’s quite a downer after such an epic battle between two great teams.

Now we’re off to face Donovan and Golden Balls. It should be another great one. If I remember correctly, there was only one goal scored in the two games played between Houston and Los Angeles this season. But considering the rosters fielded by each team in those contests, I don’t think the previous matchups will be much of an indication of what’s to come.

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.

Mayor Bill White today proclaimed that Friday, November 6th, will be recognized as “Dynamo Day” in Houston. In observance of the day, the mayor encourages Houstonians to wear orange, the color of the Dynamo.

The two-time MLS Cup Champion Dynamo will host the Seattle Sounders in the second leg of the Western conference semifinals, this Sunday, November 8, at Robertson Stadium at 2 p.m. With the series currently tied 0-0, the winner of Sunday’s game will advance to the Western Conference Championship game.

“Soccer is one of the fastest growing sports in Houston, so we really appreciate having a team of the caliber of our two-time MLS champions,” said Mayor White. “Win this weekend; and let’s make this year championship number three!”

“The Houston Dynamo organization epitomizes what it is to be a Houstonian on and off the field,” said Dynamo President and General Manager Oliver Luck. “We’re energized by the hometown support.”

If you are an avid reader of the Seattle Times, which I’m sure we all are, here are a few local comments regarding our Dynamo Day:

“Yeah – everyone in Houston go dress up like a Creamsicle!”

“Not only will visiting fans get mugged, if they go down too easy they’ll get a yellow card for it as well.”

“Very original idea Houston. Where did you think of this? And why didn’t you do it sooner if this team is so important to you and you only get crowds in the playoffs?”

“The Houston Dynamo organization epitomizes what it is to be a Houstonian on and off the field,” So visiting Sounders fans should be prepared to be mugged off the field…”

What do you think, Houston? Is this an accurate representation of our city? The only comment I can get behind is the one about Creamsicles. I like Creamsicles. It’s not a bad color either. But what do I know? I kind of like the Sounders’ sinus infection green, too.

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.

A few days ago I contacted the powers-that-be and proposed a new page for The Offside. This page, I think, would better suit my personality and my writing style. Most of my posts are written with the intention of making the reader laugh or at least feel entertained. I am not above making myself a punch line. If we are laughing in the end, then mission accomplished. Rarely do I bring something informative or genuinely thought-provoking, nor have I ever pretended to do such. If you are looking for that here then you must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

With all of that being said, here is a sample article of what I have proposed to the higher authority. If given the almighty blessing, I will give you satire.

Beckham’s Balls Not Actually Gold

Los Angeles, CA – Amidst widespread speculation and vast wonderment, a team of scientists and health professionals have concluded that David Beckham’s balls are not actually gold.

Sasha Barnabe, a researcher at the Medicinal Sciences Laboratory of California, has conducted numerous studies regarding precious metals and their relationship with testicles.”It’s astonishing how many gentlemen claim to have or are rumored to have balls of gold. However, I haven’t seen any cases that lend credence to this phenomenon.”

David Beckham has undergone intense scrutiny throughout his playing career, but his throng of fans continue to spawn his god-like persona. Clamorous ovations follow him on and off the pitch despite the recent revelation denouncing the supposed gold molecular structure of his balls.

“I haven’t personally seen David’s balls,” said Jenny Carver, an avid supporter of Beckham, “but I’ve always believed them to possess a mystical, almost hypnotic quality. There isn’t any study or research that can persuade me to think differently. His balls will always be gold to me.”

Throughout history, some balls have been more highly regarded than others. Although some may question it, our society has chosen to place Beckham’s balls on a pedestal, gold or not.

Discuss it among yourselves and let me know if you would read an Offside satire page. Here’s a poll to make it easier.

Would you like to see satirical articles brought to The Offside?(poll)

FOREVER ORANGE

Dallas sucks.